


One Last Time

by Charlzplatypus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Handicap, I still hope you'll liked it, I was realy bad when I wrote it, I'm really sorry, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, motorcycle accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:55:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4440191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlzplatypus/pseuds/Charlzplatypus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was asked to stay calm and especially not to panic. You might wonder if these people have experienced such a moment, when your second half is in front of you and may already be in another world you can only think one thing. To die too. To die and to join that person your whole body demands and needs, that person who is your energy. If your power source dries up you're nothing anymore. Jean is my source of energy, without him I'm just dust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> That's my first JeanMarco story  
> I would like to excuse myself for my bad english no one wanted to be my beta on tumblr /cry  
> I still hope I didn't fuck up that bad and you'll enjoy my story a little bit  
> Enjoy ~♥

The wind on my face, I observe the sun. I can not cry, I feel drained of all my feelings. The wind dries my eyes, I close them and let the smell and sound of the sea flow over me.

 

_"Do not worry, I promise that I'll never do that again. I don't want you to worry about me. I'll be careful. "_

 

These words I believed them. Now I blame myself for having been too weak, to not have had the courage to hold you back. Sometimes I come to think that deep down I didn't want to be with you. I feel you move in front of me. I open my eyes and look down. You're trying to straighten you. I smile. You never wanted to ask for my help. I just put myself in front of you and watch you, you who fixed the horizon with your dead eyes.

 

I help you straighten and you grumble saying that you didn't need help but I know you're just trying to show me how much you're strong. Your attitude makes me laugh softly, I see your face turn to me and a tender smile appears on your face. You know I don't listen to your grumbling since a long time now. I put a hand on your face and caress your cheek with my fingertips.

 

\- Are you cold ?

\- A little.

 

I get up and take off my scarf and put it on you. I put it so your skin is not exposed. I redo the tour of your chair and push it to make you move.

 

_"- You promised me that you'll never do it again!_

_-I Know but please Marco ! Just this one I swear after I quit ! This is the race of my life ! Don't you realize that since I started, my dream is to defeat this guy!"_

 

Defeat this guy. Yes it's true that it's what you wanted the most in the world, maybe even more than me, I don't know. If you knew how I insulted this man too. Thou cursed him because he ripped you away from your family and me. I saw you drive away from me step by step, digging your own grave a little more every time you let me alone in the evening. If you knew how many times I've also cursed you for not being able to see how bad I was. You were interested in nothing except your races. I know very well that you know I had want to leave you many times, to abandon everything, to abandon you but you also know very well that I will never be capable of it. I love you too much for that.

 

_"The phone rang, I can't say why, at this moment, I had a shiver. I didn't want to pick up the phone but you can't escape your fate."_

 

My heart aches when I think of all the things we have lived together. Will we be happy just one day ? Today I know that we won't. I thought us invincible back then. Accidents I saw on television were sad, of course, but couldn't happen to us. Why ? Just because nothing could happen to us. As everybody says after all "itonlyhappens toothers " yes, but when it happens to you, you feel like your whole world is falling apart.

 

A tear runs down my cheek, quickly joined by all her sisters. I let my discomfort flow over me. You ask me if I'm okay but I don't answer. You know what I feel I'm sure of it. I take the handles of your wheelchair and push you on the beach, I have the feeling to push the weight of our woe. I let the wind dries my tears. Have we ever hope to be happy one day ?

 

_"- Mr Bodt ? Marco Bodt ?_

_\- Yes ?_

_'I'm really sorry to announce this new on the phone I call from the hospital, your friend Jean Kirstein had a serious motorcycle accident. He is currently in a coma in critical condition and we do everything we can to keep him alive. "_

 

I remember the call like it was only yesterday. I didn't cry immediately after hearing it. Besides, I didn't answer, the phone handset fell of my hand and my knees had bent. I never thought that you might leave me, that you could let me alone on this hostile earth. When I imagined my life without you my tears appeared suddenly. God knows how much I have hated you to do this to me.

 

I rushed into the car and rushed to the hospital, it's also a miracle if I didn't have an accident too. I've arrived crying and screaming but I did not care. When the doctor told me that you had lost the use of your lower body and your right arm I definitely collapsed. You were in a coma, I didn't even have the courage to see you right away. I spent several hours in the hallway trying to calm down. When I finally went to your room the view of all these pipes connected to your body made my tears start again. I hated myself for crying so much.

 

You stayed five weeks in coma. I wasn't even there when you woke up. I will always hate myself for that. When you knew for your body you stopped talking for almost three days. Once again I was pissed that you thought only of yourself. You didn't talk to anyone even to me, you'll never know how I felt to be sidelined. But I told myself that I had no right to blame you. After all I was healthy with all my members and in any case I can never be mad at you for a long time and you know that very well. The first day you rediscovered how to smile I must confess that I found it weird at first but I wanted our happiness to came back so much I didn't ask myself more questions than that. I should have, we wouldn't be here right now, but it's too late to regret it now.

 

I still remember that time I finally discovered the reason for this sudden change of mood. I entered the house filled with shopping bags in hands and walked in the kitchen.

 

_"- JEAN I'M BACK ! I began to arrange the bags but still no trace of him. I put aside my storage and go look for him. The living room, empty, the kitchen, empty, as I made my way to the bathroom I was seized with a terrible fear. A fear that twisted my stomach. I began to run and opened the door to the bathroom in a hurry."_

 

I stop the chair and take the backpack that hangs on it. I take out a big blanket that I deploy and install it on the sand. The task is not easy, the wind doesn't make my job easier. I approach Jean and put a soft kiss on his dry lips. I grab him at the waist and raise him, he passes his arms around my neck. I feel him biting my earlobe making me sigh but I don't let myself be distracted and put this demon down on the blanket.

 

_"And finally I saw him lying on the floor next to the tub. Eyes closed, face in a too deep sleep and the hand holding a empty box of medication. I looked at him horrified, one hand holding my chest, my heart wanted to tear appart when my legs gave up and I painfully fell on the ground. With a lot of difficulty I crawled up to him and whispered his name. I took my phone mumbling our address to emergencies for help. "_

 

I was asked to stay calm and especially not to panic. You might wonder if these people have experienced such a moment, when your second half is in front of you and may already be in another world you can only think one thing. To die too. To die and to join that person your whole body demands and needs, that person who is your energy. If your power source dries up you're nothing anymore. Jean is my source of energy, without him I'm just dust.

 

When rescue finally arrived they found both of us in the bathroom, Jean still unconscious and I surrounding him with my arms as to protect him, my head leaning against his, talking to him. I still don't know at this time if I tried to reassure him or me. God knows how much I had make it difficult for the ambulances drivers but if you knew how I had absolutely didn't care. Even today I don't care. I was feeling bad, really bad. I didn't want him to went away from me. Few people understand this feeling. I know that most people are really sorry when something bad happen but I also know very well that as good their intentions are they're not entirely sincere. I see the pity in their eyes, the wish that it never happens to them in their handshake. But I'm not upset with them. Why should I be ? After all, they are only humans. In an other life I'll certainly be the same.

 

I lie down beside him and observe him, his eyes are closed and his face seems peaceful, his hair are rocked by the wind. He's so beautiful, I try to memorize the features of his face. I want to see him perfectly when I close my eyes. He turns suddenly his head, making me blench, he looks at me and raises his hand to rest on my cheek. I can feel all his love in his caresses. I close my eyes when I see him approach me to unite our lips in a gentle kiss. I appreciate the softness of his lips against mine that end up separating. We rest one against the other enjoying our last moments together. Soon all this will be a distant memory.

 

Now I'm so apeased that even your suicide attempt seems very far to me. But you know how much I was afraid you would leave me permanently this time. Fortunately I found the good solution. You didn't agree immediately but I didn't see what else to do. It's apparently really impossible to you to live in a wheelchair and you know very well that I can't live without you. Our paths were therefore already drawn. I sit up to grab a bottle of champagne in the bag. I kept it for a special occasion, here is one. You also sit while I take out plastic cups.

 

\- What misery, our last drinks in simple plastic cups. I say

\- Close your eyes and imagine beautiful crystal goblets, replied Jean with a smile.

 

I answer with a grunt but smile anyway. After all, plastic cups or crystal goblets it doesn't matter as long as I'm with him. I get up to open the bottle. The cork landed on the sand and champagne wets my fingers while I push a curse. Jean mocks me by saying that I'll never know how to open a bottle of champagne properly. I go sit next to him again and pinch his cheek to show my dissatisfaction which has the result of making him laugh. I pour the frothy liquid in our cups and take our special ingredient out of my pocket. I also poured it into the cups and shake a bit so the mixture is done. I hold a cup to Jean and he takes it.

 

\- Are you really sure you want to do it with me ? He asks.

\- Now more than ever, I tell him kissing him. I love you to the moon and back.

\- I love you too so much.

 

A single tear slid down his cheek but I quickly removed it. I kiss him again on the temple and take his dead hand in mine. I hug him as tight as I can, my heart beating at full speed. We're finally doing it. We share one last kiss and swallow our cups bottoms up. I cough a little because the bubbles sparkle in my throat but I force myself to swallow everything. Then we lie down calmly. My eyes into his. I take his other hand as I begin to feel my eyes close slowly.

 

I whisper one last "I love you" before falling in an eternal sleep with this man that I love more than my own life.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And it's the end !  
> Let me know if you liked it !


End file.
